Not So Happily Ever After
by KungFuu
Summary: Kakashi and Iruka have been dating happily in Konoha for a few months, but will a joint mission ruin their perfect relationship? The honeymoon is definately over.
1. Chapter 1

Not So Happily Ever After By: KungFuu 

**Warnings: Plot spoilers and yaoi. Possibly some bad puns. **

**Disclaimer: Don't own it, don't mean any harm, not making any money. **

Chapter 1 

They kissed and then they lived happily ever after. The end.

'_Yeah, right! Stupid happy endings,' _Iruka thought bitterly. The brunette sighed in frustration. Ahead of him, Kakashi ambled through the dense woods as if the thorny vines, poison ivy, and pointy foliage simply moved out of his way. Iruka, on the other hand, tromped behind, glaring at Kakashi's bony ass, quite positive that every vine with thorns within a ten-mile radius was moving in order to slap him in the face.

"Quit pushing branches back like that! They're smacking me!" Iruka spat irritably. Kakashi didn't stop walking – didn't even pause or immediately apologize for being inconsiderate like a proper boyfriend should.

"You're trailing me too closely and making too much noise with your whining," Kakashi replied in his '_I'm-an-irritated-genius' _voice. Iruka had heard that tone _far_ too often lately. Normally he wouldn't have been so petty, but Kakashi was just _asking_ for a scolding.

"Don't take that tone with me you inconsiderate—"

"What's that? Can't hear anything over your _whining_," Kakashi rudely cut him off.

'_Oh. Oh that's it! I'm going to hit him,' _Iruka thought violently. He could feel his temper building like pressure in a volcano. He stumbled over a medium sized rock, grunted, and fell hard on his knee. He let out a pained, frustrated noise.

Kakashi stopped. He knew, in his genius brain, that life had presented him with a choice. One option was to treat Iruka as he would if they were still in Konoha. He would help him up, tease him lightly, and offer to kiss his hurt away.

But they weren't in Konoha. They had been assigned an important mission, and because the Hokage _must_ have been drunk when she was finishing up her paperwork, she'd thought it would be a great idea to put himself, Gai, and Iruka on a mission together. Her reasoning had been that Iruka was growing soft and that his skill with children would come in handy later in the mission. God only knew why Gai was there.

And because they were on said mission, Kakashi should treat Iruka like one of his soldiers.

This led to frustration, because Iruka was quite possibly the worst ninja ever.

He whined. He was rusty. He was not accustomed to hard exercise. Worst of all, Iruka questioned the team leader (himself) about _everything_. Thinking about the facts made his decision clear. Heck, if it had been Naruto behaving so badly, he would have used his handy 'Thousand Years of Pain' technique right up his backside.

"Pay attention to your surroundings! Isn't that what you teach your brats?" Kakashi asked sharply. Eventually Iruka would fall back into mission-mode. He just had to be stern and a little cold to hammer the point home that they were in different surroundings and Iruka would have to shape up if –

_THUNK!_

Iruka grinned devilishly as the pinecone he threw connected with Kakashi's head. _That _made him turn around. Stupid jerk.

"Did you just throw that pinecone at me, Iruka?" Kakashi asked, almost disbelieving – completely calm looking except for the way his fist kept clenching, itching to use a jutsu on Iruka in a place that would teach him why throwing things at a Jonin was a _bad_ idea.

"Yes, and you DESERVED it! Naruto's always saying what a lazy _asshole_ you are on missions, and I thought he was just exaggerating, but I can see now that you have a side you haven't been showing me! Did it ever occur to you that I might not be able to focus on my surroundings because I'm getting a little tired after walking for two days solid, carrying everyone's crap, and itching all over from some STUPID bush that I got tangled in about six hours back when YOU wouldn't let us stop for me to put something on the scratches?" Iruka was fuming. His fists were clenched tightly at his sides and his tan face was an angry shade of red.

Kakashi knew his boyfriend had a temper. Occasionally, the sweet, naïve, loving man he banged regularly turned into a raging, senseless, illogical angry thing that probably fed on the blood of small, innocent forest animals. During the three, happy months they'd been dating back in Konoha, Kakashi had only seen the beast emerge once when Iruka had caught Naruto spying on girls at the hot springs during a weekend getaway.

It had been funny then, because _he_ wasn't the one in trouble. Now it was a different story.

For the millionth time, Kakashi cursed Tsunade for assigning him the task of 'toughening up' Iruka. Although it was not his style to abandon a mission, he was starting to think the task he'd been given was impossible. If he still wanted to have a boyfriend after the damn mission, and he _did_ want things to go back to the wonderful way they'd been before, then he'd have to change tactics with Iruka.

Calmly, as if approaching a wild animal, Kakashi inched closer to the fuming man. Iruka glared at him hotly, as if warning him that he'd loose a limb if it got too close.

"Baby," he began pleadingly.

"Don't you _'baby'_ me! You know what? I don't want to hear it. Just go. Walk. Do whatever you feel like you need to do, Kakashi." Iruka's temper seemed to have vanished.

Kakashi was a good ninja, and he could spot a trap – no matter how well it was hidden. Iruka wanted him to do something specific and if he didn't do just the right thing, Iruka's earlier little outburst would seem like a mild scolding by comparison. It might even turn into their first real, serious argument.

Kakashi sighed. That thought scared him.

"We can't stop until nightfall if we're going to make good time, Iruka. As it is, I let you take enough bathroom breaks and snack breaks in the beginning that we should really just skip sleeping tonight altogether. I hope you understand how much I'm slowing the pace to accommodate you. I _am_ making exceptions, but part of this mission is getting you back in shape. You can understand that, right?" Kakashi was proud of himself. Usually, he was never so good at expressing himself to Iruka. That had been a logical, caring, and straightforward explanation of the situation.

Iruka flashed him an over-the-top fake smile.

"It's fine, Kakashi. Perfectly fine. Just go on ahead."

Kakashi winced on the inside. That didn't sound very sincere. Still, Iruka hadn't exploded on him. He turned around and continued walking, searching for signs that someone had came through the forest carrying a hostage. They walked in blissful silence for a few moments, during which Kakashi foolishly started to think that his unorthodox method of explaining his actions had actually worked, before Iruka spoke up.

"You would never cheat on me while you are away from Konoha, right?" Iruka asked. Kakashi turned around quickly, distracted yet again.

"Of course not, Iruka," he replied honestly and seriously. Iruka smirked.

"Then it's a good thing you're already accustomed to not getting any sex on missions," Iruka replied, his smirk broadening into a malicious smile. Kakashi gaped, glared, then stomped off in silent anger.

Behind him, and growing further behind with every second, Iruka felt his anger drain away and his reason return.

He'd had his first real fight with Kakashi, and he'd withheld sex like some irritated housewife! He was ashamed of himself and still angry with Kakashi at the same time. The desire to apologize and the desire to hear an apology warred angrily with each other inside him. He was miserable. If it had been anyone else leading him, he would have done much better – he was sure of it. He wouldn't have been staring at Asuma's ass, or getting so irritated with Kurenai that he failed to notice a rock in his path. Besides, Kakashi had made it sound like he was weak because he'd needed some food within a 24-hour period and had asked to go to the bathroom. _Once_. Kakashi's superior attitude was grating on him. Iruka wanted to scream, _'Jonins have to pee sometimes too, you dick!'_

He knew he was acting like he'd never set foot in a ninja academy, much less teach at one, but he couldn't _help_ it. Kakashi wasn't supposed to treat him like a soldier. He was _supposed_ to steal kisses, and pinch his butt in public, and bring him flowers when he showed up late, and surprise him with lunch during a long workday.

Those were the things he normally did. It was what made Iruka fall so hard for him. He had told Kakashi he wasn't expecting special treatment the night before they left on the mission, when Kakashi had expressed some concern about it…but the truth was that he _did_ expect it. Not from anyone else, certainly, but from Kakashi he did. Kakashi was the one person that treated him like he was unique and exciting and priceless and he couldn't give that up, not even for a mission. He _needed_ to be special to Kakashi. He spent all his time taking care of others, and Kakashi was the first person in a long time that took care of him.

'_Well,' _Iruka thought with a sad sigh, _'If he's going to stomp off and leave me behind I might as well stop and put some medicine on my legs.'_

It was pure bliss to drop the three packs. That had been Kakashi's idea, too. Since he supposedly needed 'toughening up,' he'd been given all three packs to carry. Also, it would free up Kakashi to better defend them, and would allow Gai to move more quietly while scouting ahead.

Iruka knew the real reason, of course. His boyfriend was obviously the lazy asshole Naruto claimed him to be.

"Uggghhhhh," Iruka moaned in pleasure when he dropped the three packs. He sat on a log practically boneless in relief. When he opened his drooping eyes (Kakashi and Gai might be used to days without sleep, but he was quite accustomed to six hours a night, thank you very much) he noticed the itchy rash was much worse than he'd thought. It had spread on him fast. He'd tried not to scratch, knowing that would only worsen the situation. One of his ankle bandages had come undone and the skin had turned an ugly red underneath. It had spread all the way up his calf. His arms were worse. He must have gotten into some nettles or poison ivy. Wonderful. Just his luck.

Thankfully, it was standard procedure to carry pills for just such a thing, but some soap and water would help wash off the toxins. There was a river not too far off. His body protested, but Iruka knew it would be worth it to get a quick wash.

He hauled the packs through the dense wood until he reached the water. He stripped off his shirt and his bandages, knowing they would need to be washed. He nervously looked around before shirking his pants as well. If only a little of the poisonous resin was still on his clothing, and he put his clothing back on, he'd be back in the same boat.

He only prayed that it wasn't Gai that came to find him.

Iruka sighed in relief as he sunk into the cool water. He fished around in his pack for the small bar of odorless soap and began to scrub down. He'd taken the oral medication that would stop the rash, and he had some anti-itch cream he could put on when he was dry. He was just about to wade out of the water when a kunai sliced through the air near his shoulder. He had dodged on instinct. Being a teacher had some perks, after all. He'd developed a sixth sense for flying projectiles.

Immediately, Iruka extended his senses and figured out he was pretty much surrounded. With Gai scouting ahead and Kakashi looking for tracks, how was it the enemy ninjas had been overlooked?

Iruka realized guiltily that he might have distracted Kakashi from his job by bickering with him. But it was too late to do anything about it. He'd just have to deal with the situation himself.

He substituted himself with some drifting wood and materialized in a tree branch. Rusty battle skills finally kicked in, and Iruka felt for the enemy's chakra. He could sense three attackers, probably Chuunin ranked judging by the skill they'd used to throw the kunai.

He was naked except for his underwear and had no weapons, and Kakashi probably was still too irritated to come looking for him yet. He would just have to overcome the odds. He thought of his earlier fight with Kakashi and plucked a handy pinecone. He spotted one attacker a few branches over, crouched a bit clumsily in the branches. The plan emerged quickly in his head. It was a basic tactic he taught his students to use in the likelihood they were ever unarmed. Using all his strength, he chunked the pinecone into the foliage above the enemy, making him think he was being attacked from above. Immediately, Iruka jumped to the branch he sat on, grasped it with his hands, and swung upwards to soundly kick the enemy in the face. The enemy toppled out of the tree but managed to regain his hold using chakra. Iruka had already disappeared, and taken one of the enemy's kunai holders as he did so. He'd managed to get close enough to steal from him.

When he saw Kakashi again, he was going to rub this in his stupid face. His skills obviously weren't _that_ rusty.

From his new hiding spot inside a big log, he could hear the enemies shifting above him, coming towards him. One of them must be tracking him somehow. Quickly, his fingers opened the holder and pulled out three kunai and an exploding tag.

And then he noticed what was inside the log with him. Thinking fast, Iruka made the hand seals and re-appeared on the other side of the log out in the open, holding the animal by its tail. He slung it at the group of attackers. Not only did the skunk spray the enemies with putrid gas as he collided into them, but the exploding tag Iruka had attached to his back went off and knocked two of them off their feet. Panting, Iruka transported himself to where the packs were. He was out of breath from all the exertion of chakra, and was grateful the short battle had ended in his favor.

He really _had_ grown out of shape. He wouldn't have made it very long if it had turned into a skirmish with him in the middle. Surprisingly, the enemies had run off, but they would have tough luck hiding when they smelled like skunk.

Late, as usual, Kakashi appeared with Gai on his heels. He took in the situation with a narrowed eye.

"How many?" he asked sharply, kunai already drawn. Iruka tried to catch his breath. "_How many_?!" Kakashi demanded, shouting harshly. Iruka glared.

"Quit yelling at me! They're gone already! I hurled a skunk at them so tracking them will be easy," Iruka paused for breath and then continued. "I doubt they're the kidnappers, at any rate." Iruka watched as Kakashi forcibly relaxed his stance. He could tell, though, that the gray-haired ninja was still furious. He continued talking, mostly directing the information at Gai. "They weren't as skilled as Tsunade-sama said the kidnappers would be. They were probably just rogue ninjas resorting to thievery. I severely burned two of them."

"Ah, Iruka-sensei! You are truly worthy to teach the cute students! You're theory is obviously correct because they have stolen Kakashi's pack!" Gai stated happily, beaming at Iruka.

Iruka looked at the two packs sitting on the riverbank, then at Kakashi's very angry eye.

Ah, so that's why they'd run off so fast. They'd already gotten what they'd wanted. Oops.

"Heh," Iruka said sheepishly, "Sorry?" he said hopefully. Kakashi's almost comical glare intensified.

"Do not worry, my esteemed rival! I shall go retrieve the pack, and if I can't, I'll do five hundred push-ups!" Without waiting for approval, Gai disappeared. Iruka waited for Kakashi to start yelling at him. He closed his eyes, bracing himself for the shouting. He'd done his best, but he had let them get away with the pack, and he knew Kakashi wouldn't be pleased…

"Your arms are covered in rashes," Kakashi finally said. "Why didn't you tell me you'd gotten into nettles?" Kakashi still sounded angry, but it was more of a concerned angry than a you-fucked-up angry. Iruka opened one eye cautiously to see Kakashi had crouched beside him and was examining the angry redness on his skin.

"I _did_ tell you," Iruka replied a bit waspishly. Kakashi glared at him.

"You said you were scratched by a bush and you wanted to stop to bandage it. Scratches are not a suitable reason to stop moving."

"I didn't think I had to spell it out for you. You call yourself a genius, don't you?" Iruka retorted. Now that he knew Kakashi wasn't going to loose his temper, chop him up, and bury the pieces, his old anger was returning.

"What were you thinking going off and getting surrounded while you were practically naked and unarmed?" Kakashi questioned harshly.

"Don't even _go _there. It's been years since I've been out of Konoha on a real mission. I think I did pretty damn well, all things considered. Besides, I was distracted by a certain boyfriend who's done _nothing_ but be an asshole since we left on this stupid mission! Nice of you to show up to help once they've already fled, by the way."

"I…you…_ugh_!" Kakashi ended the argument by pushing Iruka onto the riverbank and kissing him senseless. At least, that's what he tried to do.

"Get off me!" Iruka growled, shoving Kakashi away and quickly putting distance between them. Kakashi barely resisted slamming his fist against the ground in frustration. The next time he saw Jiraiya, he was going to point out that his hypothesis in Icha Icha Violence was apparently incorrect. Kakashi had dashingly scared off the villains, rescued the wet, naked damsel (whom he'd previously been fighting bitterly with), and yet this string of events did _not _automatically lead to hot make-up sex.

Maybe he hadn't read the passage carefully enough and missed a crucial detail, but he was fairly certain that was the formula.

Iruka, apparently, begged to differ.

The brunette was sitting with his back to Kakashi, rummaging through his pack to find ointment. The silver-haired ninja stood and brushed off his backside. He thought about trying to talk to Iruka, but his boyfriend was muttering scarily.

Kakashi went to fetch his drying clothes instead. The last thing he wanted was for Gai (no matter how straight he claimed to be – Kakashi had doubts) seeing _his_ Iruka in wet underwear. As he grabbed the uniform and carried it to Iruka, he wondered if it was humanly possible for the mission to get _any_ worse.

**A/N:** Hey Naruto fans! I hope you enjoyed the first chapter of my little story. I've dabbled in some other fandoms but this is my first time to post a Naruto fic. I wanted to do something a little off-beat and present the characters in a new light, so hopefully I've succeeded. Updates will probably be irregular – just whenever I can get it done. If you like my writing, and you like Zabuza/Haku, I'll be posting a more serious story featuring them soon. Check it out and tell me what you think, okay?


	2. The 'L' Word

**Not So Happily Ever After**  
_By: KungFuu_

Warnings: Plot spoilers and yaoi. Possibly some bad puns.  
Disclaimer: Don't own it, don't mean any harm, not making any money.

**Chapter 2**

Gai ended up having to do the five hundred push-ups. A torrential downpour had ruined his tracking efforts, and the thieves were safely in hiding. That meant Kakashi wouldn't have any clean clothes or spare weapons for the rest of the trip, and Iruka had to admit it made him feel slightly guilty. Still, not long after Gai took off, Iruka began pitching his small tent with the intent of escaping from Kakashi's presence. Once it was done, he crawled inside and proceeded to ignore Kakashi for the next three hours.

When Gai _finally_ returned, it was pouring outside. Gai set up his tiny tent and disappeared inside it quickly, vowing (loudly and with much passion) to do his pushups when it wasn't so wet.

Following this there was an awkward moment during which Kakashi didn't know if he'd be sleeping in the rain all night, or if he'd be invited to share the tent with Iruka. Much to Kakashi's relief, Iruka caved and invited him in before he drowned in the rain.

"Come on, just take off those wet clothes. You can borrow my spare shirt," Iruka offered. Kakashi nodded and crawled into the little plastic pyramid. It took some contorting, but he managed to remove his sopping wet clothes without drenching Iruka. Finally, he was clothed only in damp boxers (decorated with the cover of Icha Icha Violence on them) and his ever-present mask.

Considering it was a tent designed for one person, Iruka was doing an amazing job of avoiding skin-to-skin contact. Iruka had been using his spare clothing as a pillow, but wordlessly he handed the bundle over. Kakashi knew from past experience that he couldn't fit into Iruka's pants, but he tugged the shirt over his torso. He seriously hoped they weren't attacked in the night, because the prospect of fighting in his Icha Icha Violence boxers and a skin-tight shirt wasn't too appealing. 

Kakashi handed the rolled up pants back to Iruka, who stuffed them under his head without saying a word. The brunette ninja closed his eyes resolutely, as if he was determined to go to sleep immediately.

Of course, that never works. Kakashi lifted his arm so he could rest his head on it, but in the process he brushed it over Iruka's side.

"Don't touch me," Iruka growled, as if he'd just been _waiting_ for Kakashi to make a wrong move. The silver-haired ninja scowled.

"I was just moving my arm. If we're not touching, though, why is your foot on my calf, hmm?" Kakashi could hear Iruka grinding his teeth. Iruka quickly snapped his foot away, as if he'd been burned.

There was a heavy, awkward, tension-filled silence. Iruka caved first.

"Why are you wearing those ridiculous boxers? I packed for you and I _know_ I packed solid black ones. I guess you could have been wearing them when we left, but that's a long time to go without changing your underwear...and besides, you look ridiculous," Iruka grumbled. 

"You just can't let me have the last word, can you? I'll have you know that these are my lucky boxers. Jiraiya himself autographed them," Kakashi replied smugly. Iruka broke the no-touching rule to turn and gape at him.

"You had Jiraiya-sama sign your _underwear_?" Iruka questioned incredulously.

"Yes, on the waistband," Kakashi replied with a hint of pride coloring his voice. Iruka turned back over. 

"Sometimes I forget what a weirdo you are."

"And you're a prude, but I still love you," Kakashi replied jokingly with a small smile.

The silence stretched unbearably long and Kakashi's smile faded quickly as he realized with mild horror what he'd confessed.

The 'L' word.

They'd never used the 'L' word before - not even in a joking manner. Internally, Kakashi was hitting himself. Why had he said that? What in the hell had he been thinking, putting himself out there like that?

Iruka sighed and began with, "Kakashi…"

The legendary copy-nin winced.

"Just don't bother. Forget I said anything," Kakashi replied coldly. Iruka balled up his fists, angry and frustrated and hopelessly confused about his own feelings. Still, he knew one thing for sure.

"That isn't something you just say because you want to end an argument! I didn't think you were that kind of person, Kakashi. You can't," Iruka swallowed thickly, barely resisting tears, "- you can't make saying that for the first time to someone into a joke, and that wasn't exactly a nice way to say it!" he finished angrily. 

Kakashi sat up, intending on leaving the tent, but Iruka grabbed his arm tightly.

"Don't even _think_ about running off to sulk in this weather. Go to sleep. I'm not going to loose rest because I'm worrying about where you are." Iruka's tone left no room for argument. Mutely, Kakashi lay back down after a few moments of hesitation.

Exhausted both physically and emotionally, it didn't take long for Iruka to fall asleep. Kakashi watched the outline of his chest rise and fall in the darkness. Iruka's hair tie had come loose, and his soft, thick hair was unbound for once. Wayward strands curled around his face gently. Kakashi bit his bottom lip worriedly, his visible eye narrowing as his mind raced with thoughts.

He'd said it, but had he meant it? Did he really love Iruka? All of the people he loved were dead. For so many years, he'd been alone. He felt as though the emotion had snuck up on him, and made itself known at the worst possible time and in the worst possible way.

Kakashi hadn't worried seriously about their bickering because he'd thought it was just about stupid things that were easily resolved – hurt pride and bruised egos. But now…now he had really messed up.

Whether he loved Iruka or he didn't, Kakashi had to face the gut-wrenching realization that this fight had hurt something that was not easy to fix.

He moved closer to Iruka's slumbering form, wondering if it would be the last time he'd be so close to him. That line of thinking compelled him to touch him, unable to bear the thought of never being able to do so again. His fingers softly tangled in Iruka's hair, gently threading through the strands and relaxing Iruka into deeper sleep. During the nights that they'd shared a bed, Kakashi had never spooned with him, but now he couldn't resist the urge. Gently, so as not to wake him, Kakashi embraced the smaller man. Iruka shivered in his sleep and rolled over, burying his face in Kakashi's chest. Kakashi slowly turned onto his back, and Iruka moved with him.

Kakashi was still not satisfied. If this would be his last intimate contact with Iruka, merely having him lie on top of his chest was not enough. He wanted to feel his skin, all of it, under his hands. He wanted to kiss Iruka's ankles and the small of his back. He wanted to press their foreheads together and memorize every detail of his chocolate eyes with his Sharingan, so that he could carry the image with him always.

It was horrible thinking that Iruka might not want him in the morning. It unsettled him so completely that he was forced to close his eyes tightly. He was unable to look and feel Iruka nestled against his chest and think, _'I'll never see him this way again.'_

Somehow, impossibly, he fell asleep, despite the fact that he rarely slept on missions.

When he awoke, it was to the sound of birds chirruping.

Kakashi shot up and scrambled out of the tent. Gai and Iruka were sitting on a log eating some field rations. By the position of the sun, Kakashi judged he'd not only fallen asleep…but he'd overslept. It was practically noon.

"Good morning, my hip and modern rival!" Gai boomed. Kakashi winced, feeling like shit and not wanting to deal with Gai at the moment. He stared hard at Iruka, trying to judge his mood. The brunette had cast him a long, appraising glance when he'd emerged, but now he was calmly eating, not meeting his eyes, as if nothing had happened the night before. Noticing the strange tension, Gai felt it necessary to fill the silence. "Look, Kakashi! Iruka retrieved your pack!" 

Kakashi's eye traveled to the pack resting beside Iruka. The brunette nodded at it and said, "Once it stopped raining earlier this morning, it was fairly easy to track them down. Gai stayed here to keep an eye on you. I brought one of them back thinking you might want to question him."

Kakashi scowled.

"I didn't give you permission to go after them by yourself, Iruka!" he replied harshly. Gai stared between the two of them awkwardly. Iruka casually slurped up some more of his noodles. 

"You were asleep. I didn't want to wake you up over something so trivial," Iruka replied testily.

"Trivial? That's not trivial! And we should have moved on hours ago," Kakashi turned to Gai. "Iruka may not know what we're doing out here but you do. Time is of the essence," he snapped out.

Gai looked uncomfortable, but eventually replied, "You never sleep on missions, Kakashi. I was worried you were sick or had depleted your chakra without me realizing it."

Inwardly, Kakashi fumed, but there didn't seem to be much he could do about the situation. Iruka's calm façade finally began to crack somewhat. He tossed his ration container into the crackling fire angrily.

"Kakashi, for god's sake put some pants on. You can't interrogate someone in boxers – even if they _are_ autographed," Iruka snapped, standing up and busying himself with re-packing the tent Kakashi had just emerged from. "You said it yourself, we need to get going."

Kakashi belatedly realized his state of undress and his eye immediately drilled into Gai – as if daring him to comment on his vibrant, orange (autographed!) boxers. Quickly, the copy-nin snatched up his dried pants and tugged them on, removing Iruka's shirt and replacing it with his own. The act of dressing had given him a few moments to cool down, but his nerves were shot and he was about to loose it.

"Gai, lead me to where the hostage is," he barked out. Gai jumped up quickly to oblige him. Leaving Iruka behind to clean up the campsite and erase any signs of their presence there. The two of them walked silently through the forest. At one point, Gai looked as though he was going to say something, but a quick glare from Kakashi changed his mind.

When Kakashi entered the clearing, he was in the mood to make someone _hurt_. He brought a kunai straight to the man's throat and made a shallow cut.

"TALK!" he ordered. The petty thief cracked quickly, possibly because Kakashi looked more like a devil than a man.

"What do you want? I'll tell you anything! Just don't kill me!" Kakashi smirked harshly and began asking his questions.

When Kakashi and Gai returned, Kakashi looked subdued and troubled. Of course, someone who didn't know him well wouldn't have noticed, but there was a tightness around his masked lips that was unmistakable to Iruka.

"We're changing the pattern. I'm scouting ahead. Gai, you look for evidence showing that they passed through." Iruka felt his heart clench. Kakashi didn't want to be around him.

Then a terrifying thought occurred to him. Were they going to break up? 

They'd probably fail the mission on top of that. Iruka clenched his fists. He didn't know about Kakashi and himself – he was doing everything he could not to think about it - but he still had to focus on salvaging the mission. As Kakashi dashed ahead, Iruka focused everything he had on finding evidence that someone had trekked through the forest. Technically, he wasn't supposed to have anything to do with the tracking part of the mission, and he didn't even know what they were tracking exactly, but maybe he would get lucky and catch something Gai missed.

Besides, anything was better than holding an awkward conversation with Gai about why he and Kakashi were both in such terrible moods.

They moved much more swiftly, but Iruka was finally getting used to traveling through the thick woods. Naturally, Kakashi wasn't there to notice the improvement.

_'I'm not thinking about Kakashi. I'm looking for…hey! Is that a footprint?'_ Iruka had kicked up some leaves while he'd been jogging and lying underneath, clear as day, was a small footprint.

"Gai-san, I think I've found something," Iruka called out softly. Gai immediately doubled back and inspected the print.

"Amazing, Iruka-sensei! You didn't even know what we were looking for, and yet you found it! I am proud that you taught my star pupil, Lee!" Gai gave him a big thumbs up and a blinding smile. Iruka blushed a bit at the praise and shrugged his shoulders.

"It was nothing, really."

"Nonsense! This is very important! Let me signal, Kakashi!"

Iruka wondered if Gai ever said anything that didn't need an exclamation point tacked onto the end of it. While Iruka was pondering this, Gai let out a low whistle that sounded like a birdcall. He waited approximately three seconds and whistled again. Instantly, Kakashi appeared in a cloud of smoke.

"Did you find something?" he asked Gai, ignoring Iruka completely and still looking irritated. 

"No, but Iruka-sensei did! He is an excellent tracker! I did not know he was so observant!" Gai gestured at the footprint. Kakashi narrowed his eye at Iruka and then examined the print. 

"Hmm…let's continue on," he said briskly. Iruka felt a little put out. Now Kakashi was giving him the silent treatment on top of everything else. He vowed then and there that if his relationship with Kakashi survived, he was never going on another mission with the man again.

**AN**: Hello again! Thanks for the lovely reviews. I just wanted to remind the wonderful readers that I update this story on my live journal (www . livejournal . com / users / KungFuu ) a day before I do on this site. You'll have to take the spaces out, of course.


	3. PERVERSION

**Not So Happily Ever After**  
_By: KungFuu_

Disclaimer: Don't own it.

**Chapter 3**

Trekking through the dense forest was starting to feel more natural. His senses sharpened and expanded as he strained constantly to hear the sound of enemies that might be approaching, or smell a scent that didn't belong in the woods. He began to move with the same grace he had enjoyed possessing in Konoha, and even began to appreciate the hard exercise. It was doing an excellent job of distracting him from depressing thoughts. Naturally, Gai had to wreck it.

"I was glad to see Kakashi's boxers this morning," Gai commented, as if it were a normal thing to say. Iruka's eyes bugged out comically and he almost walked into a tree. Then the words sunk in.

"Just because we're having a little trouble right now doesn't mean you can move in on what's mine!" Iruka growled. He couldn't believe Gai's nerve! For an absurd moment, his brain supplied the awful, terrifying image of Gai and Kakashi in bed together. Some of his brain cells let out miserable little crying noises before they committed suicide.

"No, Iruka-sensei! Nothing like that!" Gai quickly explained with his hands up defensively. It was only then that Iruka realized he'd moved in front of the man and had his fists clenched. "I only meant that I was glad to see that he has some fashion sense! For years all I've seen him in is his uniform – no sense of color or style!"

"Oh," Iruka replied a bit dumbly. He forced himself to relax and continue walking. This was the first time he'd spent any real time around Kakashi's best friend, and he had made two, definite conclusions.

The first was that Gai could not _possibly_ be straight, no matter what Kakashi said, and the second was that he needed to gently encourage Kakashi to associate with someone normal.

"You know, now that I know he's got some appreciation for excellent style, maybe I should give him some leg warmers?" Gai wondered out loud. Iruka started to think of ways to convince Gai it was a bad idea so that Kakashi wouldn't be put in such an embarrassing situation, but then he remembered all the stupid things Kakashi had done lately.

"He likes pink, but don't tell him you heard that from me," Iruka replied, managing (just barely) not to laugh evilly.

"This is EXCELLENT news! And to think, he said you didn't understand the value of a well-chosen gift! Do you remember that time when he tried to give you a book and a new uniform? He told me how upset it made you, and I assumed you didn't have good taste. How pleased I am to discover I was wrong!"

Iruka froze. He couldn't believe it. On their second date Kakashi had given him a copy of _Icha Icha Makeout Paradise_ and suggested they try out page 34. Then he'd interpreted Iruka's shocked silence as a good sign, and offered to steal the nurse costume from the hospital to complete the gift.

Because it had only been the second date, Iruka had decided not to kill him. He'd rationalized it by saying that Kakashi just didn't know him well yet. He'd calmly explained that he wasn't into that sort of thing, and that he didn't sleep with someone on the second date, and he certainly didn't want his own copy of such a perverted book. Then he'd threatened to kill Kakashi if he told anyone about the incident. Iruka scowled darkly.

"It wasn't a _nice_ book, Gai-san. It was one of those perverted ones he's always reading, and it wasn't a normal uniform he offered to get me. It was a nurse outfit," Iruka clarified. Gai looked deep in thought.

"You know, Iruka-sensei, you are not the first one to mention Kakashi's reading material. He tells me that they are books filled with the spirit of youth and beauty, though."

"Ha! I wish! He's reading porn all the time, and don't let him tell you anything different. He's shameless," Iruka criticized. The brunette Chuunin snuck a look at Gai, who was now looking determined.

"I'm doing to have to have a serious discussion with my hip rival about this!"

Again, Iruka remembered Kakashi's irritating behavior.

"You definitely should," he agreed with an evil smirk. "I'd do it in front of his team, so they learn the lesson as well. Maybe give him the leg warmers then, to cheer him up after his scolding." And afterwards Iruka would let Kakashi know just how Gai found out about his lie. _That_ would teach Kakashi to call him a prude and spread gossip about him to his Jonin friends. Then a thought occurred to him. _'Just what else has Kakashi been saying about me?'_

"I will definitely take your advice, Iruka-sensei! But I've noticed you have been…a little upset on this mission. Is my shameless, perverted rival threatening your honor?" Gai asked seriously, his impressively thick eyebrows forked with worry. He had stopped walking to focus on the conversation, and now he moved to put his hand on Iruka's shoulder. Thinking happy little thoughts of revenge, Iruka tried to look victimized.

"What would you do…if he was?" Iruka asked. Small fires lit up in Gai's eyes.

"I would defend your honor by challenging him to a battle!" Gai struck a heroic pose.

As amusing as that sounded, Iruka figured the game had gone far enough.

"It's all right, Gai-san, though I appreciate your concern. We don't usually fight like this. I would like to know one thing, though…if you'd be willing to help me. It's not easy living with such a big pervert, when I'm so modest about such things, but this would help me deal with him very much," Iruka said. Gai nodded.

"Anything for the brave, kind-hearted teacher that educated my cute students and is forced to put up with my perverted and shameless rival!"

"Err…right…so has Kakashi said anything else about me?" Gai nodded, and seemed to be deep in thought. Iruka braced himself for whatever Gai might say, already telling himself he wouldn't lose his temper…yet.

"He doesn't talk much, but I know him better than most. I've heard him talking to himself at the memorial stone a few times. He mostly just talks about the things you're doing – what students are troubling you and things that have made you happy. I've never asked him why he does it," Gai confided in a rare moment of seriousness. Iruka wondered if Gai understood more than he let on sometimes.

"I don't know why he'd do that either," Iruka replied quietly. Kakashi had never told him about visiting the memorial stone, and it seemed odd that his lover would talk to himself there when anyone (like Gai) could hear. For the most part, Kakashi was very private. Gai studied him intensely for a moment, and just as Iruka was beginning to feel uncomfortable, he said something that turned Iruka's world upside down.

"Your parents…their names are on the stone, aren't they? Perhaps he's keeping them updated."

When Iruka stopped walking, Gai seemed to understand. He stopped as well and pretended to be searching for tracks.

Iruka didn't know what came over him, but quite suddenly it was hard to breathe. He raised his fingers to his lips and whistled in the same way that Gai had done earlier to summon Kakashi. Gai looked up in curiosity, and then smiled and continued walking when he realized there was no threat. Behind him, he heard the puff of smoke that meant Kakashi had appeared, and his surprised grunt when Iruka yanked his mask down to kiss him silly.

_'Well,'_ thought Gai happily, _'that's one problem solved! Now I just need to speak to Kakashi about those orange books of his…'_ Gai wasn't surprised when he heard Kakashi yell for him to scout ahead. He would let them work it out on their own from there.

Kakashi thought he was justified in his confusion. It wasn't that he was complaining about the sudden change in his lover's mood, but even he had to admit that he didn't really deserve it. Besides, the chance of their mission succeeding was becoming smaller and smaller with every stop they made.

"Iruka, what's going on with you?" he asked, feeling almost helpless.

"Gai and I talked -" That couldn't be good. Kakashi prepared for the worst. "- and he told me about how you talk to my parents at the stone." Kakashi was surprised for a moment, and then he nodded.

"I just thought they would like to know how you are. I would want…" Kakashi hesitated. The last time he'd said something sentimental to Iruka he'd gotten in trouble.

"You would want what?" Iruka asked encouragingly.

"I would want someone to tell me about how you were doing…if I had to leave you behind," Kakashi finished slowly. Iruka smiled a sad, soft smile that made Kakashi want to kiss away his unhappiness. Iruka turned away from him, his arms crossed over his chest. He started to tremble.

_'I've made him angry again,'_ Kakashi thought with dread. Much to his surprise, when Iruka spoke it sounded like he was crying.

"No one has ever," Iruka made a noise that sounded suspiciously like a sob, "…has ever acknowledged them. So many people died…they just weren't noticed. Everyone lost someone. There were so many funerals that they all blurred together and…and this is the first time that someone other than me has remembered them...honored them."

Kakashi sighed as he began to understand. Gently, he wrapped his hand around Iruka's shoulder and turned him around. He wiped away the glittering tears with the callused pads of his thumbs and leaned over to kiss Iruka on the forehead. He smiled at him. Obito's eye was getting a bit watery, too.

"They did something amazing for the world when they brought you into it. How could I not acknowledge them?" Kakashi asked quietly. Iruka pulled him into a tight hug. After a few moments he pulled back and wiped away his tears with the sleeve of his uniform.

"I'm sorry for yelling at you. I'm sorry for last night. I do love you, more than anything." Iruka's eyes shined with sincerity. He obviously believed the words he had said with all his heart.

_'So that's how it's supposed to be done. I can do that,'_ Kakashi thought before he captured Iruka's lips in a needy kiss. When he pulled away, he placed another small kiss on Iruka's lips and whispered, "I love you, too. I wasn't sure before because I was so young when I last had someone to love, but I know now. I remember how to do it, but you'll have to be patient with me."

Iruka nodded and initiated another kiss. He had to make up for lost time after all, but much to his disappointment, the most romantic kiss of his life ended quite abruptly.

"You groped me!" Iruka accused, massaging his abused backside. Kakashi smirked devilishly.

"Oh, I'm doing to do more than grope you, Iruka. I'm going to push you up against this tree," Kakashi captured his wrists and guided him backwards, until Iruka could feel the bark against his back, "And then I'm going to strip your clothes off right here in the forest and show you just how _much_ I love you. I'm going to ravish you until you can't walk." Kakashi pressed up against him fully, and Kakashi Jr. was not shy about making his presence known. The familiar hardness temporarily distracted Iruka from his common sense.

"STOP RIGHT THERE, MY PERVERTED AND SHAMEFUL RIVAL!" Gai popped out of a tree above them and hauled a very surprised Kakashi off of a very hot and bothered Iruka. "RUN INNOCENT LITTLE IRUKA! I'LL HOLD HIM BACK!" Gai boomed, right into Kakashi's ear. A sweat drop rolled down Kakashi's temple as Gai squeezed the life out of him. Iruka began to protest, but Gai would hear none of it.

"Gai-san, you really don't have to…"

"Nonsense, modest Iruka! I am DEFENDING YOUR HONOR! Look at his youthful face, Kakashi! See how he blushes with embarrassment?!"

Iruka was actually flushed for quite a different reason.

"I see I shall have to give you the talk I gave to Lee about respecting the honor of DELICATE and MODEST ladies!"

"Hey!" Iruka protested, his hands on his hips. "I am NOT a -"

"They are delicate flowers, Kakashi! You must NEVER handle them roughly! You must be, at all times, debonair and swah-vey!"

Kakashi roughly pushed him off.

"The word is 'suave,' and Iruka is not a delicate flower." Gai merely shrugged.

"Alright then, he is a cute, helpless dolphin trapped in a net of PERVERSION!"

Kakashi's arousal packed its bag and left. It really had no chance, what with Gai grabbing at him and shouting in his ear like that.

Iruka watched him trying to escape the spandex-clad monster and began to chuckle.

"You know, Kakashi, maybe you _could_ stand to hear a lesson about how you should treat people that you care about. I'll scout ahead for a while. You and Gai-san have a nice chat, okay?" Iruka disappeared before Kakashi could protest.

"Iruka-sensei suggested I wait until you were with your team, but I think we need to talk now about the true nature of those books of yours now! Iruka-sensei tells me there is actually very little SPIRIT OF YOUTH and much PERVERSION!"

Kakashi snorted and shook his head. Iruka might not be as physically strong as he was, but he was certainly creative with his torture.


	4. The Mission Revealed

**Not So Happily Ever After**

By: Kung Fuu Chapter 4 "The Mission Revealed" 

Iruka had been worried that he wouldn't recognize what he was supposed to be scouting for, but his fears were put to rest when he noticed the smoke of a small fire curling like silver, slender fingers up through the tree branches. Instantly he froze and squinted into the dense woods. A small fire was lit, and Iruka could just barely make out a shadowy figure hunched over the blaze. Soundlessly, Iruka descended down the tree and crept closer, hyper aware of his surroundings in order to avoid any nasty traps.

There were none. The shadowy figure turned into a girl dressed ornately in fine clothing that was soiled with mud and ripped in various places. She stared sadly into the blaze, obviously forlorn and probably hungry and cold to boot. Gently, in imitation of a birdcall, Iruka notified Kakashi and Gai. Almost immediately, the two men caught up and circled around, making sure they were alone, and soon Kakashi stood beside him in hiding.

"Is she who we're looking for?" Iruka whispered. Kakashi nodded. Iruka had to strain to hear his reply.

"Her name is Emiko. She's the daughter of a Lord in Grass. She ran away from home and into Fire country, but her father doesn't know why. She took a scroll with her that had sensitive information on it. At the moment, war between Grass and Rain could break out at any moment, and she would make a valuable hostage and that scroll could mean defeat for Grass. Luckily, we've gotten to her before the Rain ninja did. Still, we don't know if she's turned traitor or if she has another motive. Tsunade thinks you can gain her trust, since she's still only thirteen. You're good with kids," Kakashi informed him quickly. Iruka had to admit he was a little surprised at his role.

"Why isn't that something you could do?" Iruka whispered back. Kakashi's face remained stoic as he gave his reply.

"Because I told Tsunade that I'd rather go up against Orochimaru than deal with an emotional teenage girl. But don't worry. I'll intervene if she tries to suck your blood. I've heard they don't like it if you make any sudden movements. Oh, and in case you don't make it out alive…I love you," Kakashi confessed, still in a hushed whisper. Iruka barely resisted the urge to snort at him.

"She's a kid – not a wild animal."

Kakashi shot him a look that clearly said he doubted that statement. Sighing, Iruka rolled his eyes at his boyfriend and stood up from his hiding spot.

"Emiko?" Iruka asked. Startled, the girl let out a squawk and fell backwards off the log she'd been sitting on. "Please don't be frightened. I'm just here to help you," Iruka explained. "After all, you've crossed into Fire country, so myself and two other Leaf shinobi have been sent to see what your intentions are." Iruka had found, in his experience, that children responded best when he was upfront and sincere. It put them at ease. Sure enough, the girl regained her composure slightly and began to fuss with her clothing, as if she could make herself presentable again by dusting off the leaves that clung to her – never mind all the mud, stains, and rips. She stood tall, as if she'd been trained to do so since a very young age. Everything about her screamed that she was completely unsuited to the environment around her.

"Did my father send you?" she asked wearily. Iruka sighed and nodded.

"He doesn't know why you've run away from home. Would you mind telling me? You don't seem like a traitor to me," Iruka said, walking a little closer to her. Her face contorted into an expression of anger, but almost immediately she regained control of her expression.

"I would never become a traitor to Grass, or to my village! Only something very important would make me run away from home," she replied. Iruka waited for her to go on, but she didn't speak anymore. Iruka leaned down a bit to catch her gaze with his own and force her to look him in the eyes.

"And that reason would be?" Emiko frowned delicately and her cheeks turned a brilliant scarlet. She crossed her arms defensively over her chest.

"It just so happens that I'm in love," she answered, as if expecting Iruka to laugh at her in dismissal. He didn't, but it was a close thing. He and Kakashi had nearly broken up because a silly little girl had a crush! It was absurd.

"So how does that explain why you're in Fire country?" Iruka prodded. Encouraged by the fact that he hadn't laughed at her, Emiko clasped her hands behind her back and her blush faded some.

"Because I've fallen in love with a shinobi from Takigakure in Waterfall, and I have to pass through Fire forests to reach the border of Waterfall. I memorized the map," she explained. Iruka nodded, as if it all made perfect sense.

"Kakashi, Gai, I think you can come out now. She's no threat to Fire or anyone else," Iruka announced. Almost instantly, the two Jounin emerged from the woods. Emiko studied them carefully and without fear. Something in her mannerisms suggested to Iruka that she was a very sheltered child and had no clue what she'd gotten herself into or just whom exactly she was dealing with.

"What about the scroll you stole?" Kakashi asked sharply, not as easily convinced as Iruka was. The girl flinched at his wording and looked to Iruka to defend her. The brunette placed a hand on her shoulder and shot Kakashi a reproving glare.

"I'm sure Emiko didn't realize she was taking something important," he said. The girl nodded and hurriedly rifled through her ornate dress. From an inner pocket, she pulled out the scroll.

"I thought it was blank! Daddy always has spare paper in his study, and I was in such a hurry to sneak away that I didn't bother opening it. It looked new," she rushed to explain. Kakashi's glare softened and he extended his hand.

"It's very important and it needs to be returned to him. Your life is in danger as long as you carry it," Iruka said gently. Instantly, as if the scroll was dangerous to touch, she pushed it into Kakashi's hand.

"I didn't know, honestly! Now that you have it back, will you let me go to Takigakure?" Her young voice was full of hope, and her big blue eyes were practically begging them to allow her permission to continue. Of course, Iruka knew he couldn't grant her wish.

"Emiko, I understand that you think getting to Takigakure is very important, but your father is worried sick. You're too young to take off on your own into the woods," Iruka began. Kakashi, thinking the situation was under control, helpfully threw in his two cents.

"Besides, Grass ninja are hunting you down as we speak. If we'd come along just a little later, you'd probably be dead," he stated simply, expecting her to express her gratitude and become obliging.

Instead, she burst into loud, obnoxious sobs and clung to Iruka like a frightened child.

"W-w-why would s-s-someone w-w-want to kill me? I j-j-just wanted to f-f-find Yoshi-san! I've been through s-s-so much just to get this far! I r-r-ruined my mother's dress! Daddy is going to be so m-m-mad! Please don't let anyone hurt me, and don't make me g-g-go back!" Shooting a glare at Kakashi over Emiko's head, the brunette began to try calming her. Gai, watching the scene a bit uncomfortably, was distracted by a noise. He turned slightly, but the loud sobs of the girl obstructed his hearing.

"Kakashi!" he warned, with only seconds to spare. Immediately, a barrage of needles slanted down over the clearing. Thankfully, Iruka had managed to duck with Emiko in his arms and Kakashi and Gai substituted themselves with wood and reappeared in the safety of the trees. Thankfully, Emiko stopped her caterwauling and tried to make herself as small as possible in Iruka's arms, obviously terrified. Iruka pulled two shuriken out of his pouch and launched them into the woods behind him. There was a moment of silence and then a deafening boom rocked the trees down to their very roots. In the smoke and confusion that followed, Iruka replaced himself and Emiko with clones. Holding her in his arms, he darted through the treetops at a breakneck speed. He had planted some explosion tags earlier as he scouted ahead, but that was the extent of his preparation. He was relying on the explosion to disorient the enemy enough to allow for him to plan his next move safely. The added burden of protecting Emiko was unexpected and worrisome. His best bet was to hide.

Iruka spotted just what he had been looking for. A small pond of stagnant water appeared on his left, and Iruka quickly moved towards it. He snapped up some reeds and shoved one into Emiko's mouth.

"You're going to breathe through this," he ordered. Without further explanation, he gripped the girl tightly and transported them both into the muddy earth at the bank of the pond. At the same time, he made two more clones to disguise the chakra spike and sent them off further into the woods. Four clones was a severe strain, so he let the two he'd left behind originally disappear. Buried deep in the stinking mud, Iruka could not see if Emiko was breathing properly. Her wrist was still clasped in his, so he could feel her hammering heartbeat. She was still alive – just frightened. Gently, Iruka stroked her wrist with his fingers. It was the best he could do to comfort her. Little by little, she began to calm down and her heartbeat slowed. He assumed she was adjusting to breathing through the reed.

All that was left to do was wait. He hadn't used any particularly advanced techniques – just the basic things he taught to his students, so Kakashi should figure out what he had done sooner or later after the enemies were defeated. A spike of fear drove through him and for a second he worried that the enemy would prove too difficult for Kakashi, but then common sense returned and he remembered his boyfriend's skill was a thing of legend. Instead of worrying about him, he should be worrying about if he'd hid them well enough or not.

Seconds turned into minuets. The minuets stretched on endlessly, it seemed. Of course, underground Iruka could hear very little. After letting the clone lead a pursuer far away from their hiding spot, Iruka released it. Immediately, he knew from the clone that the enemy was a Rain ninja. The clone must have caught a glimpse of his attacker.

That information changed things. Iruka knew the Rain ninja specialized, naturally, in water based attacks. He also knew they were an unsavory lot that didn't particularly care for morals. It didn't surprise him Rain was attempting to take over Grass country lands – a great deal of which probably belonged to Emiko's father. For his clone's pursuer to be duped for so long by a clone, it showed that he had to be a lower level ninja. Iruka could probably take him.

Still, the rule was to wait in hiding during situations like this, and Iruka practiced what he preached. He and Emiko continued to wait.

Suddenly, when Iruka was confidant Kakashi would find him any second, the mud around himself and Emiko began to shift strangely. Cursing mentally, Iruka made to transport them out again but it was too late. Strange, slippery bonds had ensnared his wrists and trapped them immobile. The reed was jostled out of his mouth during the struggle, and Iruka feared that he would suffocate, but moments later he and Emiko were lifted out of the ground in a giant bubble of mud contained by water. A young ninja controlled the jutsu while another kept watch. The mud fell through the barrier and back to the ground, but Iruka and Emiko remained suspended in the air, held up by the pond water cage. At least, with the mud gone, there was air to breathe. Both Emiko and Iruka sucked it in greedily, gasping and panting. The bubble was lowered again in an act that obviously required great concentration on the part of the young ninja. His companion quickly stuck his hands through the bubble and tied Iruka's wrists with sturdy rope, replacing the bonds that had been made of water. He then gagged him and tied complicated knots around his ankles that would give him enough leeway to walk but not to run. Lastly, a dark sack was pulled over his head and tied. Iruka could only assume Emiko was given the same treatment beside him. He had arched his wrists as much as he could while the knots were being tied, and as a result the bonds were looser than they should have been. Still, it was not the moment to take advantage just yet. The water fell away and the ninja that had controlled it fell to his knees panting. The technique had obviously drained him.

The sounds of a fierce battle being waged nearby filled Iruka's ears. Iruka was roughly shoved in the opposite direction of the battle, and then there was the sound of an umbrella being opened. Emiko was pulled away from his side and then suddenly he was airborne, carried up high by a Rain ninja using his specialized umbrella.

AN: I know. Not as funny and skimpy on description. I'm working on it, I promise! I caught a bad case of writer's block, so this is my attempt at struggling out of it. I know where the story is going now, so hopefully there won't be any more huge setbacks.

Oh! For those of you who are interested, I have a new fic (NC-17) posted on my livejournal (link is on my author's profile page). It's an AU that features Iruka as a prostitute. It's got a plot – it's not just smut. I'd love it if you guys checked it out. :)


	5. Escape Tactics

Not So Happily Ever After Chapter 5 

"_Escape Tactics"_

Ninjas were not perfect. An essay Uchiha Sasuke had once written for him proved this fact. Iruka often presented a sticky situation to his students and then asked them to tell him, in essay format, how they would use their ninja skills to get out of it. Once, he got a seven-page essay from Sasuke involving elaborate traps, clever espionage techniques, and the use of highly advanced jutsu in order to escape a room turned prison cell. Naruto had forgotten to do the essay, but when asked to turn it in he simply said, "I didn't want to waste a piece of paper just to say open the window."

It was the first time Iruka had ever seen Sasuke look mortified, and it was the first time a student of his had ever gotten an 'A' on an essay without actually writing it. Naruto was the only one to think of the simple, obvious solution. Of course, it had been a trick question. Iruka didn't really think any of his students would ever end up imprisoned by people dumb enough to lock them in a room with a window.

"Stranger things have happened, I guess," Iruka mused as he pushed the window open. Emiko watched with wide eyes, soaked from head to toe in putrid mud.

"Are you allowed to do that?" she asked fearfully. Iruka cast a long look at the ditzy girl.

"They didn't tell us not to," Iruka said consolingly. She nodded, her big eyes blinking rapidly.

"I guess they didn't. But what are we going to do once we escape? We don't even know where we are!" Iruka sighed.

"Emiko, we're in Rain Country," Iruka said matter-of-factly. Emiko smudged some mud off her cheek with her hand and gave him a challenging look.

"How do you know that?" she asked skeptically. Iruka sweat dropped. He was, after all, getting drenched from the rain that had flooded in once he opened the window.

"It's raining?" Iruka asked hopefully. Repeating the story about her father's enemies would take too long. Emiko tilted her head and then shrugged.

"Makes sense, I guess. Let's go then," she consented. Iruka gestured at her to go through the window. He gave her a boost and then she was out. He followed her, making sure to close the window behind him. It turned out they were being held in a sturdy, large building that looked like it had originally been barracks of some sort. Iruka took Emiko by the wrist and began sneaking out of the militaristic looking village, not too worried about tracks because of the deluge of rain. The weather proved advantageous. There weren't many villagers around due to the late hour and the terrible storm.

Iruka stole a horse once they reached the edge of town and lifted Emiko up onto the animal's back. He hopped on afterwards and popped the horse's flank. They raced off into the night heading towards Fire Country.

"I'm sorry my perverted rival, that you are being forced to hide your face with your hand! How DARE they steal your mask? Are we dealing with ninjas or cowardly THIEVES?!" Gai boomed. From his place slouched against the wall, Kakashi glared. They'd been stripped of their clothing and anything they might have used as weapons.

"I'm not covering my eyes because I don't have a mask. I'm covering them because my forehead protector has more material than your underwear does."

Gai grinned. Then he turned around and flexed his butt, a horrifying sight due to the violet G-string Gai wore.

"The ladies love it," Gai said, complimented by a manly pose. There were some sparkles. Kakashi sighed. Reluctantly, Kakashi pulled his hand away from his face. Gai dropped his pose.

"We need to get out of here. I suppose I could break the window and use the glass as a weapon against whoever comes to bring us food," Kakashi schemed. Gai considered the plan, making sure to thrust his hips outward as he did so. Kakashi winced. "Do you stuff that thing?" Kakashi asked, not really wanting an answer. Gai's package was…impressive.

"No, and the ladies love that, too! Springtime of my youth, baby!" Gai said with a wink.

"Or I could just use the glass to slit my wrists. Anything as long as I don't have to keep staring with my Sharingan at you…dressed like that," Kakashi mumbled. Then he added, "And I used the word 'dressed' lightly."

"We must act soon, though! Your delicate flower is trapped somewhere in this same facility, no doubt! You must rescue him with the POWER OF LOVE!" Gai announced loudly.

Thinking of rescuing Iruka, Kakashi broke the glass and picked the largest shard, waiting near the door. At first Gai stood ready, too, but then that got a little boring. He sat down and watched the rain slant in from the broken window. He hoped someone came to feed them soon.

* * *

"Do you think they've escaped yet?" a young man asked his companion. His friend tossed a card down onto the table between them. They were playing Go Fish.

"I hope so. The other two got out pretty fast," his black-haired friend replied.

"I wish they'd hurry up with it," the first man said. Another Rain ninja came into the room and sat down with them.

"Hurry up with what?" he asked.

"Oh, hey, Ling. What's up?" He tossed a card. "We had a Grass hostage and some Leaf ninja, but the big boss just signed a peace treaty with Grass so…"

The third ninja laughed.

"Easier to just let them escape instead of having to escort them back in this nasty weather?"

"Got it in one," the second ninja said with a lazy grin, tossing another card onto the table.

"You two managed to catch all four of them?" The newcomer asked doubtfully.

"Not at the same time. Two came back to rescue the first two, and didn't have a chance against us in this rain, so we captured them for show. They gave us a bit of trouble, though, so we thought it'd be funny to take their clothes. Again, easier to just let them escape, and then we can laugh watching them run off in their underwear."

"These guys must be complete noobs if they're still in there. How long has it been?"

"Oh, about an hour or so."

"I kind of liked that dude's boxers. Icha Icha's friggin' awesome. Got any fours?"

"No. Go fish."

* * *

"Kakashi?" Gai questioned. Kakashi, still standing by the door, turned warily to look at him.

"What?" Kakashi asked sharply.

"I know you're the genius here, but it's taking a long time for your plan to work. How 'bout we just go out the window?" Gai asked. Kakashi blushed, and realized too late that his mask didn't hide it. "You didn't think of that?!" Gai said incredulously. "And here I am thinking you had your reasons for doing it this way!" Kakashi's blush turned to a glare and he stormed past Gai to push the window open.

"Shut up, Gai," Kakashi snapped. Gai wisely held his tongue and followed after him. They walked for a while.

"But Kakashi…what about Iruka? Think he's still trapped back there?"

Kakashi stomped through the muddy streets of the deserted looking village.

"Checking for obvious escapes is basic. He'll have left already. I'm NEVER going to hear the end of this. If anybody asks, we were attacked by a small army of Rain ninja that locked us up in a stone cell…with NO windows!" Kakashi shouted over the rain. Gai jumped around a big puddle (even though he was already soaked) and nodded. He was afraid that if he spoke, he'd burst out laughing at his rival's mistake, and he was too good of a friend to do that.

He'd do it later, at the bar, where he could tell the story to everyone.

Elsewhere in the facility, three men looked up from their card game.

"Well, there they go," one of them commented, gazing out the window. Ling squinted.

"Is that big guy with the bowl cut wearing a G-string?"

"To be fair, he was wearing a spandex body suit. You can't wear something that has seams with that."

The other two gave the one who'd just spoken a strange look and then went back to their game.

* * *

Tsunade glanced up at them sharply when they entered. Kakashi winced. Iruka stood by the window behind her desk, looking superior and amused at the same time. Kakashi winced again.

"Despite a mission report that claims, in ridiculously bad handwriting I might add, that you fought off a small army of Rain ninja and escaped from a dungeon with no windows, it has come to my attention that this was not the case. Iruka found the first sign of the hostage while tracking, which is supposed to be your expertise, Hatake," Tsunade gave him a stern glare, "Then the two of you failed to protect the hostage and Iruka from a handful of low level Rain ninja. Then, Iruka managed to escape, with a hostage, quickly and effectively. You two sat in a room with an unlocked window for two hours like big idiots. Iruka escorted the girl back home and reported in two days early. You two got lost in the storm and ended up practically naked in some poor farmer's field. Gai, G-strings are not part of the standardized uniform. I'm going to let the Icha Icha boxers slide."

There was a long, horrible, tension-filled pause.

"The purpose of this mission was to make sure Iruka was still up to par. I have now decided that I was wrong about whose skills need to be assessed. Since your actions show a complete lack of knowledge regarding the most basic of ninja skills, I'm ordering you to spend two weeks each in Iruka's pre-Genin class, starting tomorrow. Oh, and Gai? I'm giving you a write up for the G-string."

"WHAT?!" Gai boomed. "But that means a pay cut!" Gai whined. Tsunade slapped her hands on her desk and yelled right back at him.

"I HAD TO PICTURE YOU IN A G-STRING! THAT'S JUST DISTURBING!"

Iruka snickered. Seeing that Tsunade was done, Iruka clapped his hands and gave Kakashi a sweet smile.

"Well then! Boys, now that you've had your scolding, it's time for us to be going. Class starts in a half hour, and we wouldn't want to be late, would we, Kakashi-kun?" Iruka asked patronizingly. Tsunade smirked.

"Don't get in any trouble, or Iruka will send you straight to me."

Sullenly, Gai and Kakashi followed after Iruka – their new sensei, it would seem.

* * *

Iruka looked up from his roll sheet. Sitting in the front row with his pencil perfectly sharpened and his paper ready to take notes, sat Gai. Kakashi was sprawled in the back, taking up three seats, reading Icha Icha Makeout Paradise.

"Kakashi-san! Sit up straight, and put that filthy trash away!" Iruka boomed from the front of the classroom. Kakashi peeked at him from behind the cover and then slowly lowered the book.

"But I'm doing my book report on it," he responded dryly. Iruka glared.

"You just lost recess privileges, Hatake. Now put the book away and pay attention! What kind of example are you setting for the rest of the class?" Iruka scolded. He went back to lecturing on proper throwing techniques for kunai, occasionally drawing a diagram on the blackboard.

A child in the front row raised his hand.

"Yes?" Iruka asked kindly. The little girl looked nervously to her left. Beside her sat Rock Lee, who was copying the child's notes.

"Iruka-sensei, he keeps staring at my paper!" the little girl complained. Iruka gave Lee a stern look.

"Lee, you've already graduated. Why are you sitting in and taking notes on throwing kunai?" Iruka asked reluctantly. Up until then, he'd just been trying to ignore Lee's strange presence in his classroom.

"Because I, too, seek the benefits of Gai-sensei's new training method! If I do not take one hundred pages of notes, I will run 200 laps around Konoha!" Lee boomed. Iruka was glad he'd taught the boy before he started acting like Gai.

"That's…special, Lee. Please don't look on Moegi-chan's paper, though," Iruka said. Iruka made a valiant effort to ignore Gai, who had broken into manly tears and caused the sun to set.

"My cute student Lee is inspiring in his willingness to try alternative training methods!" Gai said, clasping his hands together happily.

Iruka reminded himself mentally that it was only for a few more days. He turned back to the board and a kunai whizzed millimeters away from his ear, landing firmly in the wall beside the blackboard. Iruka spun, his face already turning red.

"HATAKE! Detention with Tsunade!" he bellowed shortly. His boyfriend merely glared. It was not until later in the lesson that he noticed the little note attached to the kunai.

_Can I have detention with you?_

Iruka huffed at the irony and went back to his lesson. When he knew Kakashi couldn't see, he smiled a bit at how well the ninja was taking the demeaning punishment. It was almost fun, and it warmed his heart to think they'd survived a mission together and come out strong. Maybe he'd let Kakashi get a little naughty while the other kids were out at recess.

He noticed the trash littered everywhere in his classroom and the dusty eraser in his hand.

Most likely he'd just make him clean, though.

A/N: Sorry this was so late in coming! I was on a roll updating (and finishing) my other fic on my livejournal, so this one got neglected. Hope you guys liked the ending, though!


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